Things CATS Must Try To Remember!

Screaming at the can of food will not make it open itself.

I should not assume the patio door is open

when I race outside to chase leaves.

If I put a live mouse in my food bowl, I should

not expect it to stay there until I get hungry.

The guinea pig likes to sleep once in a while.

I will not watch him constantly.

If I bite the cactus, it will bite back.

I will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare

down the hall, and growl at nothing right after

my human has finished watching "The X-Files".

Television and computer screens do

not exist to backlight my lovely tail.

No matter how dangly and attractive they are,

my human's earrings are not cat toys.

If I play 'dead cat on the stairs' while people are

trying to bring in groceries or laundry, one of these

days it will really come true.

My human is capable of cooking bacon

and eggs without my help.

The canned cat food is already dead. I do not

need to kill it by swatting bits of it all over the floor.

I am a carnivore. Potted plants are not meat.

I will never be able to walk on the ceiling, and staring up the wall and

screaming at it will not bring it any closer.

It is not a good idea to try to lap up the powdered

creamer before it all dissolves in the boiling coffee.

The goldfish likes living in water and must be

allowed to remain in its bowl.

If my human wants to share her sandwich with me,

she will give me a piece. She will notice if I start

eating it from the other end.

I cannot leap through closed windows

to catch birds outside.

The large dog in the back yard has lived there for six years. I will not

freak out every time I see it.

If I must give a present to my human's overnight guests, my toy mouse is much

more socially acceptable than a live cockroach, even if it isn't as tasty.