Clap Books

 

 

This form of joke, with a fake book title and a fake author that combine to form a bad pun, has been around since I was little. As far as I know, it has never had a name. So, in 1983, when I started writing these things down, I coined the term clap book. Derivation is partly from chap book, an old term literally meaning cheap book, and partly from the clap, a slang term relating to something, shall we say, very embarrassing.

 

No, these are not real books!

 

(A collection of clap books previously appeared in the scholarly journal Maledicta, which I admittedly contributed to.)

 

Most clap books are pretty scandalous but here are some clean ones:

 

• Everything I Learned in College, by Ada B.

 

• 101 Ways to Leave the Army, by D. N. Liszt

 

• Positive Thinking, by Corinne Ann Barrett

 

• Off the Cliff, by Eileen Toofar

 

• The Blonde Leading the Blonde, by O. U. Ditz

 

• I Hate the Sun, by Gladys Knight

 

• Blood on the Gas Station Floor, by Who Pumped Ethyl

 

• Prison Security, by Barb Dwyer

 

• The Open Kimono, by Seymour Hairs

 

• Wasted to the Max, by Iona Syringe

 

• The Great American Pie-Eating Contest, by Willie Make-It and Betty Won't, with an afterword by Buddy Duzz

 

• Russian Roulette, by Hugo First

 

• The Heartbreak of Psoriasis, by Dr. Ivan Offelich

 

• How I Won the Marathon, by Randy Holeway

 

• The Nine-Year Engagement, by Cantaloupe O. Honeydew

 

• When the Lion Attacked, by Claude Yarmoff

 

• The Smelly Pizza, by Anne Chovies

 

• Take this Job and Shove It, by Ike Witt

 

• Biker Mama, by Helen Wheels

 

• Fish Food, by Too Na

 

• Two Weeks in the Saddle, by Major Assburn

 

• How to Write a Big Big Book, by Warren Peace

 

• The Devil Made Me Do It, by B. L. Zebub

 

• The Sure Road to Hell, by Cardinal Sin

 

• Rescued from the Racetrack, by Amah Whippet

 

• The Great German Bank Robbery, by Hans Zupp

 

• Terror in the Shower, by Harry Bott

 

• Rid Yourself of Doubt . . . or Should You, by Ida Know

 

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